Last Day in Ethiopia/Bonding and Grief

So, we leave in about 1 hour. We are finally coming home with our Miracle Micah!!!

 

We are SO READY to be home but we have loved every minute in this country. I struggle trying to explain the feeling to you. It's like there is a string now tied to our hearts that will forever connect us, across time and oceans and miles, to this beautiful land. Our beloved is from this land, from these people, and we are forever part of this nation and it forever a part of us.

 

Today we visited a coffee factory and did last minute shopping. This was my favorite day so far as I love coffee and shopping and Micah Asrat has been purely giddy all day! I hope this lasts through the flight!

 

Yesterday was a hard day. Learning to be baby-parents again has been tough but learning to parent a child who is 11 months (TODAY!!) and whom we just met is really really hard.  Micah was fussy off and no and was showing clear signs of confusion and grief. When I would try to feed him, he would smack at my face and not look me in the eyes. This was new to us and so heartbreaking. Chad has begun to feel the funk so I was on my own during much of the morning fussiness. It's hard to know how to react. I know it's normal and important but I also know it's hurtful and hard to see.

 

We have loved Micah Asrat for 2 years. We have cried, prayed, dreamed, hoped for him for so long. We have suffered again and again as our journey became rough with court problems and paperwork nightmares. With each day, we were bonded more and more to him.

 

But he does not know us! He doesn't know how we have ached for him or how many tears we have cried. He doesn't know that he is staying with us forever and that he will never be alone again. This knowledge will take time and will slowly seep into every nook and cranny of his heart. But, in the meantime, our hearts ache for him and our heads are spinning at times as to how to care for him.

 

Figuring him out has been the toughest part of this journey. Does this cry mean hunger or exhaustion? What does he need now? We often find ourselves in complete disarray at the warning signals he is obviously giving but that we cannot translate.

 

We have learned one thing for sure, the kid LOVES FOOD. He's territorial over it and is never as happy as when he gets it. He is frantic for his bottle and gives little warning before a complete hunger meltdown ensues. This is really the only time he ever cries. But man, can he WAIL! I wonder how long he cried for food before he was actually fed as a baby? How often was my sweet, happy Tanker starving?

 

So I whisper over and over again into his sweet ears, "O De halo, Micah Asrat, and you will never be hungry again."

 

Thank you God for helping our family to keep this promise. We are blessed to overflowing and so humbled by your grace to this amazing miracle baby.