Ch-ch-ch-changes..Our Last Night As Three

Tonight is bittersweet. We have had a joyous time eating pizza, dying mister eggs ;0), and playing as a family. Despite our joy, Chad and I are fully aware of the weight of this evening.


This is our last night as a family of three. Wow, even writing that is heavy.


Our family has enjoyed 4 years of blessing, laughs, and smiles with our sweet son Dev. He's such a light, our sunshine, and has a smile that lights our day. We can't imagine our life without him and are so filled with love for him this night.


Devon is only four so his understanding of what is about to happen in his life is limited. He knows we are leaving on an airplane for a "long time" and that we will return with "Baby Brother Micah" in a week. He knows where he will be and who will care for him and he is truly excited.


But he has NO IDEA how much his life is about to change. He has been at the center of our universe for 4 years. I will not apologize for this because I wouldn't change it. We waited years for him and have enjoyed him as much as possible. He has been raised to believe that others come first but in a home where his needs are immediately met and love is always available within the second. We have no illusions-- this is going to change.


I expected the stress, the sadness of leaving Dev, the joy and anticipation of parenting a baby again. I did not expect the feelings of longing that I have this evening.


I wish I could freeze this moment in time. I wish it could last for much longer. My two boys and I enjoying our family as it is this moment. It's not that I don't want my baby boy, I do more than anything. But I am full of another baby boy this night, the baby I have rock-rocked every day for four years. The baby who will smile and say "Mommy, I love you so much!" for no reason and without prompting. The miracle who came into our lives and brought so much healing and light.


Devon, as we add to our family in a week and you work to find your new place as a big brother, know that Mommy and Daddy love you more than our hearts can hold. We are overwhelmed with joy and pride when we see you, not because we made you, because we did not. Rather, because we have been given such a gift to care for and enjoy.


Thank you for the laughs, for your sweet spirit, and for your intuitive empathy. You are our joy and we are in love with you always.