Reflection on Grace and Sorrow

Hello All~
This has been a week of reflection and sorrow for our family. We passed an important birthday this week, one that always brings Chad and I down and makes us thankful for those we have but scared as well. Chad's beautiful little sister Alana would have turned 22 last Wednesday, October 15th. Most of you know that she died in a drunk driving accident in 2004 on July 4th.

I confess I was dreading this date since the beginning of October because it usually puts me in a real funk. However, as I was driving home from school on Wednesday, I realized that this year I wasn't heartbroken as I usually am. This year I felt sad and missed her dearly, yes, but I also felt an overwhelming since of thankfulness for the life that God has given us since this horrible tragedy. We have two beautiful sons, wonderful family, an amazing church family, and so many other material blessings.

On Saturday our family celebrated the marriage of Chad's mom, Joanne, to a great man, Wayne. I watched Chad, Derek, and Joanne all interact with friends, laugh, smile, and rejoice as a family. I was brought to tears as I realized that God has finally given this broken family what we asked for all along, peace. He has provided us a sense of peace and comfort that we didn't believe was possible.

Does this mean we do not have profound sorrow over the loss, that we don't miss her so much it physically hurts? No. We all feel a hole in our lives that will never be filled. There is a brokenness within us that has left each of us with a sorrow-limp that will never quite heal.

But, we have found JOY in this life without Alana Joy. This is so unexpected and unnatural that it must be heaven sent.

Who is like our God who can comfort the brokenhearted and bring them to a place of rest and peace? Who is like our God who can connect families from across the world? Who is like our God who can mend relationships and grow love in hearts where only dessert sand remained?


Thank you, dear Lord, for the peace and comfort you have given, for the journey to Joy, valley, rocks, sorrow and all, for we never would have known your power, your peace, your presence without this journey.