We've done some work on the sleep issue and we know DOESN'T work. We're looking at this from a positive light as we're getting closer to a solution the more we weed out what's not working.
So, we think we've narrowed down the hysterical 4 am screaming fit to one of these three reasons, GAS, GRIEF, or GROWING PAINS. It's a cry like we've never heard out of Micah before and it doesn't happen every night. He arches his back, stiffens everything from head to toe, and WAILS. We've been using ibuprofen during these times and it seems to help. Gas doesn't really fit as it's ONLY at night and he doesn't have any other gassy symptoms.
Grief is something we know can happen even to happy, adjusted children but there's not much we can do other than love him through it. So, we're choosing not to stress about that and look at what we CAN work on. We hold and kiss him all day long. Love will eventually win this battle and I can honestly say I am resting in God's truth over this issue. Adoption exists because this world is fallen and broken. God has used us to fix holes in Micah's life and He is filling them one by one. We are the clay, he is the potter. Work on, Jesus!
Growing pains are our biggest suspicion. Micah was SO very malnourished that his body is completely out of proportion. He's in the 50th percentile for weight and head but only the 2nd for height. This is normal because the body's reaction to lack of food is to save the calories it does consume for the brain and organs. We think his body is finally catching up and beginning to grow. This can be very painful because of many reasons, the central nervous system is growing as well, lack of calcium in his early infancy, etc. So far we've only had this happen about 3 nights a week. We're thankful for that!
So here's what DOESN'T work for us.
-Crying it out, YET. We tried to let him cry for 10 minutes. After almost climbing out of his crib (I guess that was great motivation to pull up for the first time!!!) we noticed some serious attachment behaviors that we had NEVER seen before. He wouldn't look us in the eyes, wouldn't be comforted even by the bottle, wouldn't lie down with us or let us hold him. We're not willing to damage the trust and bonds we've developed with him just yet. So, this is a no-no for now.
-Sleeping all night with us. That boy is a future field goal kicker, I swear! He kicks all night long, sideways, hitting our backs with his super flexible little legs and feet. Not fun my friends but hysterical all the same.
Here's what we think IS working and the improvements we've seen.
-A consistent routine of bath, bottle, rock, bed has helped him get to bed around 9 each night. He sleeps until 1 or 2 before his first bottle. This is a good stretch!
-He comes into bed with us for the feeding at 2 am and eats on my chest. He goes right back to sleep and we put him back into his crib.
-A wedge has helped him sleep. For some reason the kid likes to be elevated on the top half of his body.
As for us, we're really trying to surrender this battle in prayer and kindness to one another. I'll admit that I am not a very kind wife at 3 am. Chad is sleeping on the couch for those nights that he feels he won't be able to work the next day if he doesn't. We make sure he gets at least 4 straight hours. We're also trying to spend time together each night talking and making strategy.
Me, I am really trying to use every moment I have awake with Micah at night to PRAY over him. There's so much I don't know about my precious son, so much I can't control. The answer to this is prayer. What a sweet time I have with him that will all too soon be gone! I am also trying to take hold of the truth that God's mercies are new every morning. Holding onto anger, frustration, guilt, grief, etc. is not helping my heart or my family. Each day I pray "Lord, do not let this day be wasted. Do not let me look away from you. Do not let me dwell on yesterday. Today is the day you have given to me. USE ME."
This has been wonderfully and painfully growing for me both spiritually and physically. But, oh the rewards! I can't wait until Micah is sleeping through the night and this is a distant memory but I refuse to waste this struggle, to ignore the blessings and challenges within it.
Adoption has taught me that. Even in the struggle there is so much to learn and see. We thank God for this time of hardship because we know our VIEW OF HIS GRACE is going to be so much bigger at the top of this mountain. Can't wait!
In this struggle I can see what God goes through for me daily. Do you trust me, Kim? Can you REST in my love and strength today? Do you believe I love you more than this world and that I am worth forsaking all? Do you know I will still love you when you cry and wail against my love, against my kindness, against my plan? All of this is breaking me down to be the wife, mother, human being that He wants be to be.
We want Micah to SURRENDER to our love. He just wants the same from us.
GROWING PAINS
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