I have hesitated to post this because a) it opens us up to criticism (everyone has an opinion on sleep and we're really doing our BEST!) and b) I don't want to discourage any adoptive parents who are not home with their kiddos yet.
DISCLAIMER: This is OUR journey only. Each child is different and in no way does our experience mean you will have a bad sleeper. ;0)
Now that that's out of the way....
Micah is the happiest baby we've ever met. Give him a spoon, bowl, and window and he's happy for hours. He's always shown signs of attachment including great eye contact, giving and receiving love to us alone, etc. We've been amazed at his transition...
DURING THE DAY. Micah does not sleep through the night. Not even close, actually.
He sleeps 4 hours then wakes up every hour wanting a bottle or to be held and SCREAMING. And I mean EVERY HOUR. By 3:30 he's in our bed and sleeps until 5:30. His wails are so loud and so sad for us. But, by 3:30, it's really frustrating. We're exhausted, he's exhausted, and we can't comfort him.
The difficulty with this is that we don't know WHY. Grief? Fear? Determined to sleep with us?
He won't take a full bottle each hour, so we know its not hunger (plus, have you SEEN him? ;0) He just wails and wails. We've tried keeping him in our room, not giving him the bottle, allowing him to cry in his crib (which wakes up older brother then we've got a real mess on our hands), music, noise, EVERYTHING we can think of.
And we're still walking dead. ;0) It's so sad. It's become clear that we are not yet his comfort, his bottle is. This is really scary and sad for us. What does this mean for his attachment to us? He's so happy all the time, are we taking this for granted? What other attachment/grief issues are we overlooking? If the bottle is his comfort, does he recognize us as his caregivers? What are we doing wrong? We kiss him, hold him, love on him ALL DAY. I held him so much the first month I virtually threw my back out (he's 24 pounds people!). Did this make any impact?
The questions and worries can drive you crazy, especially at 3:30 when you want to say (not in anger, but in sadness) "don't you know how much we love you? Can't you see what we've gone through to bring you home, what we've put Devon through?" This isn't fair to any of us, it just is. Patience is a luxury right now and difficult to access at 3:30.
He finally ends up in our bed and finds some peace there. We don't know if this is because he's so exhausted from the routine or because he really wants to sleep in between the only two people he really trusts right now. I wish he knew how loved he is! So many have loved him so well since his birth. How we wish we could communicate this to him, that this love would sink into his heart and help him feel secure (and sleep secure!).
Then you wonder what he's thinking. I can't imagine how he's feeling, how much he misses his nannies and the comforting sounds of other babies surrounding him, the smells, the sounds, the sights, the air, ETHIOPIA.
The fact is WE MISS ETHIOPIA after only 7 days so we know our little man must be heartbroken.
So, what do you do? Well, you pray first, then pray some more. Then you keep trying. Right now he's happily playing on the floor with Devon having completely forgotten the grief and struggle of last night.
I wish I could to.
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4 comments:
Your honesty and openness is refreshing. And I sure hope that none use it against you in criticism or judgement.
It's obvious that you are doing your best all 24 hours of the day. Guard your heart against the temptation to feel as if it's not enough. As if YOU are not enough. It's a long process, settling in to a new family and all that you mentioned (sites, smells, dynamics, all of it). Exhaustion will speak many terrible things to a mom's mind. Don't believe them for a second!
Hang in there. Sleep when you can. And just keep doin' what you are doin'. Like Dory said: "Just keep swimmin' Just keep swimmin. . . " A friend just encouraged me to remember that the battle is won in tiny increments. This might be one of those.
I'm prayin' for ya!
Kim,
You poor girl (and Chad too). I can't imagine how your mommy/daddy heart feels. Did Micah have problems at night while still in ET? We were right next door and I never heard him. I'll pray that your family can have some peace and quiet very soon.
Blessings,
Bliss
Hi Kim,
Thanks for sharing the struggle. It is a HUGE adjustment that you all are still facing. You are a great mom because you are a prayerful mom.
Little Micah has been removed from all that he has ever known, the sounds and smells and voices and language and routine.
Your family has a new person with a unique personality. All the facets of his personality are just begining to surface. You are learning about eachother day by day.
The fact that he is a happy boy is an indicator thet he is feeling secure and loved. Keep praying and listening for God's direction.
He knows and loves Micah Moo and you. Praying for you and Micah and God's love and security to break through in his heart and mind.
Love and hugs and prayers,
Debi
I am so sorry to hear about your sleep struggle. Alexandra was on about the same schedule and pattern when she first came home. For her too, her bottle was a huge comfort. Let me just encourage you that a year later, the bottle has been long forgotten (as have most of the sleepless nights) and we're both lovin' on each other hard. You're doing a great job! Just that you're thinking about all these things shows that.
Love,
Penelope
P.S. For us, at seven months old, after being home a month and a half, I decided that enough was enough. My baby girl just needed to learn how to sleep through the night. We did the cry it out and after two (excruciating) weeks, we were all good.
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