Travel Preparations and Court Fears, AGAIN

Hey Everyone,
Two weeks and a few days until court, again. Four weeks until possible travel, again. Packing, again. Finding airline tickets, again. Seeing doctors for travel, again. Human resources for insurance, again. AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN!

What am I getting at? We've begun to prepare to travel to Ethiopia, for the second time in 2 months. There is a gnawing fear in both of us that we will fail court again and all of this thought, preparation, packing, etc. will be for nothing, again. We have tried to keep that at bay while remaining positive and praying through our fears. However, we're really drained.

To be honest, we are SO DONE with international adoption right now. We're not emotional wrecks like we were, or frustrated anymore, or even as sad. We are just TIRED and worn out from this journey. Each day we pray for strength and endurance knowing that we might be at this for another few months. We are ready to be a family, to be cleaning up formula spit-up, jockeying for room in the bed, explaining to Devon why sitting on Micah David is NOT safe, etc. We are done with the distance, done with the questions, done with the "ifs" and "whys" and "whens."

I'm not going to lie, this is torture. I have stopped trying to hide it by using phrases that I KNOW are true but don't feel like "it's all in God's timing" or "He knows best." I don't have the energy for that anymore. I just hate this wait, just plain hate it. I am learning in it, I am growing spiritually and emotionally, I'm practicing the fruits of the spirit and hoping that they stick. But I hate it, all of it. Good Christian adoptive mother, aren't I! ;0) Perhaps that's why we're still waiting...

I'm done being his Mommy from afar without the benefits of having him in my arms. Unless you've adopted, you can't really understand this. It's sheer torture of the worst kind.

So, we're in the thick of the preparations, trying to keep our heads down and dodge the fears. We will be going to the city where Micah David was born, a very rural but beautiful area, so we will be getting yellow fever and typhoid vaccines as well as treatment for malaria next week, to the whopping tune of $500! God really enabled us to do this, however, as we will be getting a refund of around 300$ per airline ticket as our last flights were so expensive and the new tickets are that much cheaper. This will cover the medical costs and RX's that we will need to take with us. What a blessing!

We've also been packing up donations and the MANY just in case items we will need for ourselves. This hasn't been as fun as I thought it would be. To be honest, I just want to get there and be home already! I am praying that passing court will give us a renewed sense of excitement to travel. Right now, it seems like that many more hurdles in our way keeping us from Micah David.

So, if anyone is reading this ;0) please pray for the following.

-BEG God that we pass court on January 20th (we're WAY beyond asking at this point!). I'm not sure begging is Biblical, but I'm being real. That's where we are!

-Ask for a HUGE measure of peace, endurance, and grace for us as we are really hitting rock bottom with this process and it's taking its toll on our marriage and family.

-Please pray for Devon. He is SO CONFUSED about his brother. He keeps asking "Where is he?" Then, he'll see pictures of him being held by others and say "Is that his mommy/daddy?" This really tears me up and is an unexpected reaction.

-Pray for little man Micah David as he is waiting for us. Ask God to BIND our hearts together as a family and for health and safety while he is there.

We really love you all and want, more than anything, to share our youngest son with you. What a day that will be!!

Kim