***HEAVY SIGH***
4 months ago today we saw our youngest son for the first time. It's unbelievable to us and those who know this process that we would be at this point, over 16 weeks, without a court date.
People keep asking us how we are "doing" and how we "feel." Do you have a few hours? ;0)
We are exhausted. We are clinging to the ROCK as the waves continually batter our bodies and souls.
We are stripped bare, flesh exposed, and soul weary.
Jesus said to gain our lives we must lose them. So, we have laid down our lives at God's feet for this child, for God's better plan and will in Micah's life. We thought that was enough. But it wasn't, isn't, and never will be.
Now we know that we have to LAY DOWN THIS CHILD at His feet. How do you let go of our child in order to save him?
This has been the most radically painful and exposing experience of our young lives. And He's not done yet.
Our feelings have exhausted us. We have no energy left for what we feel- for the loss, the grieving of 3 extra months (at least) that we are losing with our son; for the pain of the holidays without him; for the whys and whens and hows and whys and whys and whys...
So, we've discovered that, while our feelings are valid and important, they really don't help. If anything they confuse us and convince us of rights and justices and conclusions that take us further from the truth.
So, THIS IS WHAT WE KNOW.
He IS OUR ROCK, REGARDLESS OF THE POWER OF THE WAVES...
"The ROCK is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in LOVE."
"The ROCK is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made."
"The eyes of all look to the ROCK and he gives them their food at the PROPER time."
"The ROCK satisfies the desires of every living thing."
"The ROCK is righteous in all His ways."
"The ROCK is NEAR to all who call on him in TRUTH."
"THe ROCK fulfills THE DESIRES of those who fear Him, the ROCK HEARS their cry and SAVES them."
"The ROCK watches over ALL who love Him."
The ROCK has been merciful, loving, kind, compassionate, loving, faithful, and good throughout this process. JUST NOT IN THE WAY WE DREAMED OR EXPECTED OR HOPED.
We have no energy to lift our heads from the ROCK and see these benefits. So, we are STARING unwaveringly at the ROCK. He is our benefit, or blessing, our hope, our salvation from the waves.
Better is one day on THIS ROCK than a thousand in Ethiopia.
6 comments:
Kim and Kulp family,
How I wish I could be there with you to hug you and pray with you and just be there for whatever you need, but you are there and I am in Beaverton, OR. And so I pray for you and ask God to come and minister to you and fill Him with His strength.
Stay focused on Him. It is so true that He is your rock and hiding place. The Word I am praying for you and Micah: "I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip- He who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep" (Psalm 121:1-4). "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, aftr you have suffered a little while, will himself restore and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power forever and ever. Amen."(1 Peter 5:10-11). He is your glory and the lifter of your head when you have no strength. When you can't understand His hands, you can trust His heart of goodness.
Love and hugs and prayers,
Debi
Kim
I am so proud of you friend at how you are turning to our Lord during this time! I continue to pray for your heart and for all things to come together for His good! Keeping you all in our prayers,
Kim
Your post is an encouragement to me Kim. It's a reminder for me to cling to the rock which i need. Thank God that He's given you a place to retreat and find grounding in the midst of uncertainty.
I am thinking of your family and praying!
I will be praying for you and a speedy court date. I can completely understand where you are. We finally passed court last Thursday after 9 months of waiting since we had our referral. It will happen and God's timing is perfect no matter how hard it is waiting.
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