Today my house is clean, my dishes done, my to do list accomplished (well, for the most part), and my sanity gathered. Why, you may ask, because we are finally SLEEPING!!
No, not through the night fully, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel and are getting more sleep each night. How, might you ask. Well, it hasn't been easy but here's what we did.
Step 1: Identify the negative behaviours and attachment woes.FEAR OF BEING ALONG: Micah does not want to sleep alone in his room. Poor baby. He's never been alone. He slept, ate, played, bathed, etc. alongside many other children and caretakers. It's no wonder he's scared of being alone, especially at night in the dark.
THE BOTTLE: Micah is ADDICTED to his bottle. Every time he awoke he would demand a bottle to go back to sleep. Sometimes he just wanted a few sips, often a few ounces. He could wake up to 5 times a night, NO FUN!!! This added up to over eating and 4 ear infections. No good. This had to change for those reasons.
Most importantly, however, is the reality that as long as he is attached to his bottle for comfort, he will not look to us. How sad that he thinks his bottle is his mommy. Poor sweetie.
SCHEDULE ISSUES: Micah NEEDS a clear predictable schedule. This is tough to accomplish while managing Devon's needs and routine.
Step 2: Create New Positive AttachmentsFEAR OF BEING ALONG: We've attached his crib to our bed as a sidecar. This way I can cradle his head in my arm while he's in his crib when he's sad or needs to be touched. So far this is really effective and has made the transition to napping and bedtime much easier.
BOTTLE ADDICTION:
So, we decided to break him of this habit. Not an easy task. He cried for hours a night and every nap time for 2 weeks. It's gotten easier, only 45 minutes each night, but isn't perfect yet. He still awakes at midnight and cries for about a half an hour then again at 4. This is steady improvement and we can see an end and restful nights in the future.
SCHEDULE: Micah naps and eats at the same time each day. Devon's day camp has really helped to keep us on schedule as well. He's gone three mornings a week from 9-12. I am able to focus on Micah's naps and food on these days. It's really helped.
Step 3: Assess and Evaluate DAILYEach day we evaluate how the sleeping and eating patterns have gone. Some days are good, some days are not. It's tough to see the forest for the trees on hard days but it's important to evaluate none the less.
The lack of sleep can really make this tough.
Step 4: LET GO AND LOVE
The reality is that that this process is a tango, a few steps forward, a few back. Repeat.
But, we've come to
believe that if you
set boundaries for your children and love them, they will attach to you if it is God's will. We repeat this to ourselves as Micah screams in our arms pushing away from us each night.
Daily, there is a war of fear and concern raging in my head. The questions go round and round. Are we doing the right thing? Is there any way we can make this easier on him? Is it too soon for these changes? Is he ready for attachment changes yet?
There's no way to know the answers to these questions for sure right now. We're plodding along as if it IS the right choice because we believe its the only choice we have right now. For our sanity and family we must make these changes to better our nights, to better our lives, to better our hearts- Especially Micah's.
Learning to pull up to a stand- Almost There!!!
