Lately I have come to realize just how selfish, self-absorbed, self-focused I am!
Truth be told, I hate the second part of that title; I hate that truth! I want to make everything about me. My feelings, my needs, my dreams, my hopes, my prayers, my life... the list goes on and on. If I really am honest, I'm like my screaming 2 year old so much of the time. "MINE!!" "NO WAY!!" "GIVE ME!!"
The crazy thing about my selfishness is that it has denied me great joy and blessing! There is not ONE blessing in my life that I willingly brought upon myself by being self-focused. All of my life's joys have come from the Lord and my willingness to follow His loving plan.
Devon came to us after I kicked and screamed over not getting pregnant.
Micah came to us after I kicked and screamed that he wasn't coming home soon enough.
We got to see God's amazing right hand through Micah despite my screams of "it's not fair!!!" from the pit.
God has blessed my selfishness in ways I don't deserve. He has loved me at my most wretched. And he is commanding me to "walk in love" as He did. He's asking me to give myself up as He did for me. It's shocking and painful to be so exposed to our selfishness and lay it at the feet of the one who became naked and broken for us.
But, in this nakedness we find true love and blessing. There's nothing that stands in the way of my relationship with God, of my love for Him, and of my ability to serve Him on this earth than- ME!
If we really want to confront our hearts and conform them to be like Christ, we must confront our selfishness. This is not easy, its down right miserable. When we do it, when we really hold the mirror up to our hearts we are left naked.
Naked for Christ.
We are naked right now. We are reevaluating our calling, examining our vision, and assessing our selfishness and turning our hearts back to the Lord and His amazing plan. This blog post made me ask myself "just what are you doing? Are your dreams God's dreams or your own version of MINE?"
Read it and be prepared to get naked.