One Week To Court

The water is wide,
I can't cross o'er.
Neither have I
Wings to fly...

Today, the water seems so wide and the flood is rising. We can see Micah David on the other side, we are so close, but we can't reach him. The water is too wide, too wide...

We need wings that we do not have to cross the wide space between our hearts.

God says that He can raise us up "on wings of eagles." We BELIEVE this.

Please pray for wings...

I Can Only Imagine

I never imagined my young life would be characterized by loss. But I can't tell you how many times I have heard "you've had your share." Tonight, my heart, my mind, my hands find themselves unable to pretend that I am not terrified, more like paralyzed by what has been and what might be. 

I never imagined...

I never imagined I'd watch my fiance bury is father; watch a family fall apart.

I never imagined I'd bury 4 grandparents in 4 years. 

I never imagined I would bury, my Daddy, horrifically and unexpectedly, at 23.

I never imagined having a child would be so hard, would take 4 years and be so painful.

And I never, ever imagined we'd bury Chad's baby sister, our heart, our Joy, Alana the day after my birthday when she was only 19. 

I never imagined I'd lose so much so young. Proverbs says it is good to bear the yolk in your youth. This yolk is so heavy to bear this evening. I am tired of a young life that has been defined by such loss, such pain, such sorrow.

Tonight, I am very aware of what I have lost out of fear of what I have yet to take hold. Only once in my life have I begged God for anything in such desperation and fear as I am this evening. I have found myself, again, begging for a child I have not held and do not know but LOVE to my core.

And yet, in all of this fear and sadness and sorrow, I can see His plan, His blessing, His love in ways I never imagined.

These are my stones in the Jordan River, the blessings I never imagined. These are His benefits to me.

I never imagined I would survive 2 brain tumors as a child without a visible scar.

I never imagined I would have a mother who could uplift beyond abuse and truly love an unexpected child with such ferocious protection and yet gentle care.

I never imagined God would replace a father who dug holes in my heart with a step-father who was made to fill them.

I never imagined I would find a man to love me at my most unlovable, a man who would stay.

I never imagined the rape of a woman I have never met could turn into such love in my heart for a child. I never imagined God could bless, could heal, could REDEEM out of such horrific cruelty and pain. 

I never imagined my heart could learn to love beyond sin and sadness and sorrow,  beyond itself on a rainy Saturday in March.

I never imagined that a child from Trenton could heal the wounds of an entire family.

And I never imagined that 3 years later my heart would stretch again, would tear and bleed and scar from a dream yet fulfilled, from a child so far away.

I never imagined I would LOVE so richly, so boldly, so painfully. 

And yet I realize, it is because I am loved so richly, so boldly, SO PAINFULLY that I can imagine LOVE at all...

Happy Birthday Josiah!

The sweetest-lipped 4 year old at the TH, Josiah Semlow, has a birthday today! We so wish we could sing to you ourselves, sweet Josiah! Your Aunt Kim just can't wait to kiss those lips, no matter the consequences.

Sherry and Kevin, you WILL see God's in the land of ETHIOPIA and have every birthday for the rest of his life. May your hearts REJOICE today that your sweetie is healthy, loved, and coming home soon.

Happy Birthday Sweet Josiah from your extended family in PA. You have no idea the amount of love that's coming at you!!! May you feel our well wishes and prayers this day.

Peace...Sweet Peace...

Yesterday I prayed this over and over again:

Psalm 143
1 O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief

7 Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

While yesterday was a day of panic and sadness, this morning brought word of God's unfailing LOVE for me and for our precious Micah David in the form of peace. My heart was at peace. I can't explain it other than to say I no longer fear court (at least in this moment!).

Today we were told that Micah's paperwork in in order and our agency has "every indication and belief that we will pass court." This news came AFTER the peace in my heart.

Psalm 144: I will sing a new song to you O God..." Today we are singing praises of peace to God, not because we are SURE we are going to pass court, but because we are SURE that whatever comes our God will carry us through. We are BEAUTIFULLY BROKEN AND DESPERATE, exactly where the Lord wants us.


And we are finally at peace...sweet peace.

YE GANNA BAAL!

MERRY ETHIOPIAN CHRISTMAS!

Today is Christmas Day in Ethiopia (they are on a different calendar). (Go to simplyloveproject.blogspot.com for sweet pictures of Miss Zoie in a traditional ET dress).

While I should be happy, my heart is quite heavy. While I should be rejoicing that I have a second holiday to be thankful for the birth of Christ, I am instead drawn to thoughts of my son.

Today I am sad to not be holding my Ethiopian son and wishing him "Ye Ganna Baal." My mind wanders to his day and the events. Did they dress him up in the reindeer outfit we sent him for Christmas? Did the nannies dance around with him and sing him Christmas songs? Did they give him extra kisses, extra hugs, extra love? Did they give him special Christmas clothing as a present? To not know these very fundamental facts about my son make me feel helpless and inadequate.

Mostly I am wondering if they told him of his Father who loved him enough to send His son to earth for us all. Did they whisper in Micah David's ear how loved he is by His heavenly Father? Did they show him a manger scene and tell him the wonderful good news? I ache to know these things about my Micah David.

My arms ache today as they did on our Christmas because of stories untold and truths unwispered into the precious ears of our Micah David.

So, "Ye Ganna Baal" sweet son. We miss you and love you more than you will ever know. You are a dream yet fulfilled, a present yet opened. May all of your Christmases from here on out be with your forever family. Know that I carry you in my heart this day and the weight of not having you seems unbearable. If not for the baby celebrated in Ethiopia this day...

Thank you, Father, for your Son who enables us to walk this rocky, mountainous journey with faith and hope.

Hunger is MOTIVATING AND MOVING

These past three days have been days of thought, prayer, and movement in my heart. Prompted to be in a constant state of prayer for Micah David and the children in our Ethiopia program, I decided to fast until noon each day and to give up sweets entirely until we pass court. I thought this would be easy. It has not been.

Each day I wake up aware of my hunger. I never used to be hungry in the morning. Now, when I awake, my growling tummy is the first thing on my mind. And so I pray. When I make Devon his breakfast I long to take a bite. And so I pray. When my mouth salivates as I watch Devon eat a cookie in the grocery store, I pray. I have been doing lots of praying.

My momentary, minute hunger has taught me a few things. First, it has taught me to appreciate each meal. It has also taught me to be thankful that my belly has NEVER been hungry for longer than a few minutes. It also has made me feel helpless. Hunger is not a feeling that you can push aside. It remains, despite all efforts to forget it.

My hunger has also brought me closer to the hunger that Micah David and his birth mother must have felt each day until he was relinquished. This hunger is what she still feels each day. It is because of this hunger that she gave up her child. I cannot imagine what she felt during the days that he was with her as she watched her son starving to death unable to help him, unable to meet his needs, unable to keep him alive.

I was MOVED by the most recent post at the following blog.
http://ourunveiledfaces.blogspot.com/

This family adopted their son Levi through our organization. This is what happened when Levi saw a photo of an African orphan.

"Levi became so upset. He said, "Oh, no, oh, no--baby hurt!" over and over. So, to comfort him I told him that we can pray for that baby. Well, he stopped right then and stood in front of the picture, folded his little hands in prayer and began praying from his 20 month old heart for the child in front of him. He prayed, "God, baby hurt--give daddy...and mama...and AAAllle (Elle) and NaNa (Nash) and MattMan (Nash's friend, we love as our own). And he prayed that over and over, then he said, "No starvin God" and threw his arms in the air "Amen!"

It never occurred to me that Micah David might remember his time of struggle. Levi does and will always remember hunger.

My prayer is that we will all respond as Levi did to the hunger problem of this world.

"NO STARVIN GOD!!!"

GOD ANSWERS IN A BIG WAY!!!

Our Yahoo Group (well some of us!) fasted and prayed this morning for the Ethiopia program. We specifically asked God for favorable court decisions and more referrals.

Well, God answered, in a matter of HOURS!!!

The Semlows and Us were told today that our case looks "favorable" to pass court. This is no guarantee, but we were told they are doing all they KNOW to do to help us pass.

The REALLY BIG ANSWER for today was 4 baby referrals, including two girl referrals in one day! The girl line has been moving at a rate of 1 referral a month so this is BIG news!!

We are praising God tonight along with the following families.

The Crowells- Our local friends who received a referral for an infant boy! We can't wait to hold him! Happy Birthday, Megan. What a gift!

The Lunceford Family (after waiting an eternity!!!)- a sweet baby girl!

The Bowman Family (also waited an eternity for their FIRST baby!)- a sweet baby girl!

The Koby Family- an infant prince!

What a wonderful day this was for our program and yahoo group! We are going to continue to fast and pray standing firm in the belief that our God will bless the children of Ethiopia richly.